Bitstrips just put this in place, let’s see how it does:

Much better!

Obviously, it wouldn’t work here, but I can now justify making a site specifically for the series.

Bitstrips has a flash viewer. I’m using this post to test it out.

Well that was unspectacular. I was hoping for the whole strip to show up at once. Oh well.

I love doing webcomics, but I suck at it. I can’t draw to save my life.

Well, Bitstrips to the rescue. Here’s the first of, hopefully, a long-lived strip I’ve had in my head for quite some time.

It doesn’t fit in the blog very well, but it’s the best I can do right now. Bitstrips is in beta and I’m not great with it yet, but eventually I’ll have a page there with all the strips on it.

This time last week, I was landing in the Akron-Canton airport.

This week, here’s what it looks like outside. (Click the pictures for larger images)

I think I chose wisely the week I flew.

Clearing out the spam posts over on Volcanicast’s site, I came across this math mind boggler:

In the few weeks prior to Christmas, 2006, 350 million people made 250 billion dollars in purchases online. This is a 24% increase from a decade ago, and double the figures for theChristmas season, 2005.

Okay, how did the numbers double from last year, yet only increase 24% from a decade ago? Did more people buy online in 1998 (or 1996, whatever they are basing their “decade ago” on) than in 2005?

Sorry. Return to your homes, nothing to see here.

(Oh, and yes, it took a leap day to get me to post twice in the same month. What are you gonna make of it?)

I recently participated in The Eclectic Review’s Schlockfest. You should really check out their show if you like science and/or fiction (or even science ficiton), and if you like bad movies (I do) you should check out this episode in particular.

Anyway, they read my notes off on the show as they went through the movies, but I figured I hadn’t posted a blog post in a while and I have all this prewritten text all ready to go, so why not?

So, below is my email to them. Any time I say “you” I mean “Eclectic Review,” not you the reader.

There may be spoilers in some of these. I usually don’t post spoilers, but these movies are getting close to a year old and have all been available on DVD for at least 3 months. So neah.

Black Sheep:
I suggested this one to you, but don’t know if you added it for that reason or had already planned on having it on the list. I watched it back in early November and absolutely loved it. I gave it 4 out of 5 stars on Netflix, but that’s only because I reserve 5 stars for my absolute favorites. But, for schlock, this movie delivers and then some.
You’ve got the cute environmentalist, the bad one-liners, the terrible special effects, the customary gross-out scenes… What else could you want?
My only complaints are that the guy who was afraid of sheep got over that fear when it became necessary for the plot. Somehow, I don’t think that someone who couldn’t even walk past a regular sheep would be able to, a couple hours later, face a whole… flock seems the wrong word… bevy of killer sheep without batting an eye. But I’m picking apart character motivation and realism in a movie about killer zombie sheep, so I’m going to shut up now.

The rest of these I watched in the order below. I chose the order based on how Netflix said I’d enjoy them. I started with the highest suggested for me (3.5ish stars for Disturbia) and ordered them down to the lowest (1.2 or so for Mad Cowgirl).

Disturbia:
Of all the movies, this is probably the one I actually enjoyed the most as a movie, and not as an entry in Schlockfest. I love Rear Window. It’s quite possibly my favorite Hitchcock movie. So, after the first 10 minutes I realized that this movie was a re-imagining of it (No, I don’t read the synopses. I frequently like to enter movies “fresh” and all I knew about this one was that at some point someone would be using binoculars. I got that from the cover) and I steeled myself for the bubbling hatred that would soon appear.
But it never appeared. The end of the movie was a bit over-the-top and cheesy (Which makes this a good Schlockfest entry) but it wasn’t really all that bad, and the rest of the movie made up for it. It, like Black Sheep, got 4 stars. I can’t say the same for the rest of these movies.

Perfect Stranger:
I love Halle Berry. I even defend that toad line in X-Men. A couple years ago, though, she made a movie called Gothika. That movie started out great. Thrilling, disturbing, edge-of-your-seat stuff. Then, about an hour in it turned to total garbage, like they ran out of plot so figured it was time to start stabbing people.
This movie is a lot like that, only it doesn’t turn sour until about 10-20 minutes before the end. See, like every thriller that comes out these days, this movie had a trick ending. A big reveal. When done correctly, a twist ending can turn a bad movie good. When done incorrectly, like in this movie, it can turn a good (well, decent) movie bad. I didn’t see the trick ending ahead of time in this film, but that’s not because it was cleverly hidden throughout the movie. It’s because it was stupid.
3 stars, though, because I actually liked the movie up to about the 1:30 mark. And Halle’s cute.

Man With The Screaming Brain:
And things kept going downhill. I received a broken (Literally. 2 pieces) DVD in the mail, so mailed it back. I mentioned on Twitter (because that’s what you do on Twitter) that I’d have to get a replacement, and was told not to bother because it sucked. I still ordered the 2nd DVD because 1) I’m dedicated to Schlockfest and 2) It’s Bruce Campbell. How bad can it be?
Yeah. You’ve seen it by now, so you know how bad it can be. Every Schlockfest has to have that one movie that’s so bad that it’s good. This year, that movie is Black Sheep.
I gave MWTSB 2 stars. Why not 1? There were a couple amusing scenes and… I mean, come on. It’s Bruce Campbell.

Inbred Rednecks Alien Abduction:
I gave this movie 1 star. That’s the lowest you can go without abstaining from voting, and I had to vote on this movie. There is absolutely nothing of worth in the entire movie. Seriously. The rednecks are so over the top that I started feeling embarrassed on behalf of the actors. The “Mulder and Scully” characters were totally unlikeable. The special effects were laughable. When the DVD skipped a couple times, I hit fast-forward and watched the movie at varying rates from 2x to 32x. Even that was a waste of time.

Mad Cowgirl:
I got really confused in this movie. I’m not going to say it was bad, but it assuredly wasn’t good. The problem is, the production quality was so low, and the acting was so bad (Except Chekov, and one scene I’ll detail below), and the casting was so odd that I couldn’t tell if what I was watching was an artistic masterpiece of a piece of… well… something else. I mean, her mother was Korean. She even mentioned Korea. Was she adopted? Was it like in High School where they just pretend there is no such thing as race?
I watched the whole thing, though, and at no point was I bored. But when the movie ended I looked back and found that I didn’t really enjoy it. The only part that I remember being impressed by was near the end, the scene right after she killed her brother (That was her brother, right? I got so confused). Those 30 seconds or so while she realized what she’d done and obviously felt the loss, horror, and finality of her actions was possibly worth watching the rest of the movie for. It gave me chills. Sadly, she got over it and went back to being the Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick.
Mad Cowgirl got 2 stars simply because I didn’t turn it off halfway through.

You added Ghost Rider, which I saw a while ago. I gave it 2 stars at the time and don’t remember that much about it except it was lame.

2007 sucked. I’m sorry if you liked it, or think I should have liked it, but I’m going on record. 2007 was a big pile of dog turds, slow cooked over a bed of coals. The parts that didn’t blow by too fast (I released my last fictional podcast in frickin’ JUNE) were made of total complete suck. But, December turned around, was pretty good, and hopefully will usher in a brand new 2008 that will be full of sparkly shiny goodness. To start on the right track, I’ve come up with a disturbingly long list of resolutions.

• 1) Release at least 3 “episodes” of the Crimson Lien. That’s 3 full-length episodes, each one at least 3 “acts” (podcast episodes). I’m not sure yet if I’m including the current, stalled episode, “Salvage” in that list. I’ll decide that later. I have episode 3 (The Suicide Murder) plotted and partially written (Looks like it’ll be 4 acts), and I’m feeling the writing bug again now that I’m all settled in to the new apartment. I have a couple one-offs in the idea phase (ie: Ohh! What if Chuck and Quincy found _____ or got stuck doing _____?). Then I have a major story arc plot that was supposed to finish Season 2 (Each season was intended to be 3 large episodes, or 9-12 “acts” all total). I’d like to wrap up Season 1 before Summer and start Season 2 before the end of the year. We’ll see how it goes.
• 2) Promote Volcanicast and actively attempt to grow the audience. We’ve stalled out on growth, and even gone down a bit in the past month. I think (Read: I hope) it’s because people are busy with the holidays and all, but still. I’d like to actually have a big audience for the show. I think it’s good enough to be popular, but people actually need to know about it. The current contest (Design us a logo, win a t-shirt) is a first step in that process. Next, we need at least one promo, which I’ve been not doing. I’m also considering “The top one list” of the single most volcanic topic per day, in a more reasonable sized show (Probably half an hour or less).
• 3) Visit a dentist. I haven’t been to the dentist in a year that starts with a “2.” I’ve only been to a dentist in a year that starts with a “199″ once. Yeah, I’m due. And it’s almost free with my medical plan, so I’m dumb not to go. But I don’t wanna. But I will.
• 4) Visit a doctor. I’ve been to a doctor the exact same number of times in the past 17 years as I’ve been to a dentist. Nothing’s broken, bleeding, or hurting, but I’m almost positive that at my age that doesn’t matter. I just hope the doctor doesn’t want to put his finger in my butt. I’ve made it this long without anyone puting anything in my butt, and I’m kind of proud of my streak.
• 5) Get debt free. For the first time since the last time I was single, I can reasonbly expect to be debt free in a very short number of months. And I mean totally debt free. No mortgage (mostly due to having nothing to have a mortgage on), no car loan (Due to my car aging very gracefully), no credit cards (At the rate I think I can pay it off, I should have it paid off in March), no loans (The only loan I had stayed with the house I don’t have any more). I hate having debt. When I was married, I didn’t have enough (read: any) control over the spending, so I was never able to actually get debt free. Now I have total control, and that credit card will soon have a 0 balance.
• 6) Buy an HDTV and full home theater system. This won’t happen until after I’m debt free, but it’s first on the list. I want a 40-50 inch 1080p TV, LCD or Plasma (Haven’t decided yet). It’ll be mounted on a swivel so I can aim it at the couch, the chair, or the DDR dance pad (See below for more on DDR). The chair will be the center of the Surround Sound experience. I’m actually drooling as I type this.
• 7) Maintain my workout schedule. Buy “Maintain” I of course mean “Establish”. I have a workout plan, and it relies fairly heavily on aerobic exercise. By “aerobic exercise” I mean “Dance Dance Revolution.” See, I have a problem: I want to be healthy. I actually am fairly healthy, though I could lose a couple dozen pounds and I wouldn’t mind being stronger and less prone to exhaustion. However, I can’t follow any workout routine because I get bored and stop. I’ve tried. I always get bored and stop. But see, DDR isn’t a workout. It’s a VIDEO GAME. I want to beat the video game. I need to get the Xbox Live achievement points. So, I actually do it, and get my workout at the same time. Each dance is 10-15 calories, and lasts maybe a minute and a half. So, if I can play it 1 hour every weekday (my goal) I’ll burn 500 calories a day or 2500 a week. That’s the goal. And I’m starting tomorrow, damn it.
• 8) Stay single. This is possibly the most important one. Whatever happens, I am going to stay single through all of 2008. This is my personal wagon which I refuse to get on. Looking back, I think most of the problems in my life have been because I’ve been in a relationship. I don’t think (though I’m hardly an expert) that it was the women I was with. I really honestly think it’s me. While I have this weird affection for being in a long term relationship, I think, when all the columns are added up, it’s bad for me. The problem is, I think I’m a … Something. I’m not going to say relationshipaholic because that’s a dumb word. I’m not addicted to relationshipahol, after all. But there is something that makes me want to be in a long term relationship, even though I know it’s not the right thing. This isn’t post-divorce self-bashing or anything. I don’t care what people say about denial. I mean it. I should not be in a relationship and I know it. But I feel the tug like an alcoholic feels the tug of the bottle.
• 9) Make resolutions for 2009. I always jokingly make this resolution every year. Actually, I used to make it every year. I failed to make it (or any other resolutions) at the end of 2006, and we all know how 2007 went. So, I am reinstating it. 2009, watch out, I’ve already got your number. It’s 2009.

Yes, it’s rough. No, it’s not a short story. This is the very start of a novel.

It’s not science fiction, and it contains some naughty words. Also, blog software doesn’t indent right so it doesn’t look like the written page. You have been warned.
Read the rest of this entry »

It’s that time of year again, and Black-Friday eve is not just the day before the biggest shopping day of the year… It’s also Thanksgiving.

So, how was mine? Pretty durn good for someone who could have a lot to be not thankful for. I’m not going to dwell on all that though because I’m hopped up on tryptophan and caffeine and… well… I’m not generally the type to complain all that much. So, let’s get to the good stuff:

What I’m thankful for, 2007 edition. These are in no particular order.

My new apartment. It’s sparse. It’s further from work than I’ve lived in 8 years. But it’s MINE. I am in total control of what happens within its walls. Well, as far as the law and landlord will allow, which is far more freedom than I’m used to. And it’s plenty for me.

Volcanicast. Is that cheesy? So be it. I took 2 weeks off from Volcanicast to take a much needed vacation, and I actually missed doing the show. One thing I love to do is sit around and BS. I tend to be pretty quick with the comedic* comebacks and love making people laugh. Now, I get to do it every week.

Podcasting in general. Yes, you may begin** thinking I’m a dork. I do. But there it is. I love podcasting. I love making podcasts. I love listening to podcasts. I love the vast network of people I’ve met online and hope to meet in person some day. I love audio dramas, tech shows, gaming shows, music shows, and all the others. And, possibly most importantly, I LOVE not having to listen to the radio any more.

All of my friends. My family lives 1500 miles away, and I just moved out from the house I’ve shared with my soon-to-be-ex-wife. Despite this, I had not one, but two invites to Thanksgiving this year. I ate dinner at one of them, and visited the other one before work. With friends like these, who needs enemies? Wait, that’s not right. Well, it kinda is. I don’t need enemies. Who does? But anyway… I appreciate it, am thankful for it, etc etc etc.

Thanksgiving dinner. I just finished my third massive plateful. I had to take about a 6 hour break but man, that 3rd plate was good. As was the 2nd. And the 1st.

Dance Dance Revolution. I have trouble working out. I get bored and stop. But DDR isn’t a workout, it’s a VIDEO GAME which makes all the difference.

I’m sure that’s not it, but I’m getting bored and am going to stop now.

*Shut it. I know what you’re going to say. SHUT IT.
**I know what you’re thinking. “Begin?”

I got my new laptop today, and for the past 5 hours have been uninstalling all the crap that comes with a new (or even a refurbished) computer, and installing all the stuff that doesn’t come with a new (or even a refurbished) computer.

First went AOL, then McAfee, then Norton (Oh, boy, did Windows complain when I did that). Several other programs related to these went as well.

Next, I used IE to install Firefox. Then I set Firefox as my default browser.

Next, I downloaded a ton of utilities like PUTTY and CYGWIN, and essential free apps like Avast, VMware, the Gimp, Inkscape, VLC, and Google Earth.

Oh, and Audacity. Gotta have Audacity. Extra special bonus: Noise Removal works! Now I don’t have to export, import into the previous version, noise removal, export, and import again. I just have to actually do the noise removal! W00T!

Speaking of working with audio files, I’m also copying all the raw audio from the old laptop that I don’t (and never did) own, to this new, shiny laptop that I do (and always will) own. This is taking a shockingly long time. I mean, I knew it was a lot of data but DAMN, yo.

So, what did I get? Well, I got a refurb Gateway NX860S, dual-core with enough memory and hard drive space to make this the best computer I’ve ever owned, by roughly double. Oh, and it’s a 17″ widescreen with a numeric keypad. I am not sure yet, but I think it’ll be my dvd player of choice once I don’t have the HD TV any more.

Oh yes, I’m very happy.